Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus

Directed by: Jack Perez

Starring: Debbie Gibson, Lorenzo Lamas, Vic Chao, Sean Lawlor

Synopsis:

Oceanographer Emma McNiel (Gibson) bears witness to the sudden thawing of a Megalodon (giant shark) and a giant octopus, when the ice shelf they were frozen in is broken up by a US Navy sonar experiment. While the octopus starts terrorising oil rigs off the coast of Japan, the shark heads towards San Francisco to chew on the Golden Gate Bridge. McNeil and her rogue scientist colleagues come up with a possible solution – get the two beasts to fight each other...to the death.



Review:

There are some movies which as so cheesy that there is a form of enjoyment to be had whist watching them. I had high hopes for MSvGO – I thought that it might deliver some decent disaster-movie schlock like The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms or It Came from Beneath the Sea.

You can tell that the cast had high hopes too. Working in bargain basement sets (the interiors of the subs and warships are a bit threadbare), they still poured their hearts into the film, hoping that at least the CGI destruction and slugfests between the behemoths would make it all worthwhile.

The film starts well enough – Debbie Gibson and her colleague have “borrowed” a mini sub to go whale watching. Even though they are based in San Francisco, they soon end up in the Arctic Circle. Meanwhile, some poor guy in a helicopter is talking to himself while preparing to deploy a top secret sonar device. The low-level frequency of the device sends the whales into a panic and also fractures a giant iceberg, revealing the two titular creatures frozen in the ice. The creatures are soon free of the ice and wake up, swimming in opposite directions...

The most ridiculous moment of MSvGO is when the shark leaps from the ocean and bites a chunk out of a jumbo jet flying 1000 ft in the sky. Now, Great Whites have been known for leaping out of the water – their mode of attack is to swim beneath and slightly behind their prey then propel themselves up underneath – the sheer momentum they build launches them above the waves. Check out the BBC series Blue Planet for some awesome footage. However, how on earth is even a giant shark going to notice a plane flying hundreds of feet above the ocean and think to itself, I’m having that?

Things don’t get any better when the shark starts attacking warships. All we see is the same shot of a giant, computer generated shark fin tearing through the water towards a computer generated battleship on the most placid computer generated sea ever rendered. It is awful.Oh and don’t get me started on when it attacks the Golden Gate Bridge (Why would it??).

In the meantime, the giant octopus is “attacking” an oil refinery off the coast of Japan. Cower in terror as a single tentacle rises out of the water! Japan, of course, is well versed in how to deal with such attacks and decides the best course of action is to ignore it and do a government cover-up. One scientist disagrees however so he heads to San Francisco to hook up with Debbie Gibson – in more ways than one, heh heh. Eventually Lorenzo Lamas appears as a ponytailed naval commander who offers to put wave after wave of his men at their disposal, Zap Brannigan-style. Instead, Debbie comes up with the idea of letting the two creatures duke it out, to the death.

So this is what we’ve been waiting for – Laaaadiies and Gentlemennn...In the Blue corner, Megaaaa Shaaarrrrk!!! In the red corner, GIIIAAANTT OCTOPUUUUSS!

Okay – imagine you are in the bath with a toy shark and a toy octopus. You make them fight. That is exactly what you get as the ending of this movie. Only it looks worse.

Verdict:

The whole enterprise acts as a big tease with no punch-line, like a giant barrel of a firework which only goes “pfff” when lit. Credit to whoever made the trailer for making the whole thing look more enticing than it is. The fx are inept, the situations are laughably bad and nonsensical. I haven’t seen a film this bad since the Italian made Killer Crocodile. The acting is ok but that’s not what we came to see – we wanted MEGA SHARK Vs GIANT OCTOPUS. Forget this and watch the Walking With Dinosaurs series where they showcase the prehistoric sea-monsters.

3 out of 10 (for the acting) MikeOutWest