Aliens Vs Predator - An Autopsy of Fan Boy disappointment
When I sat down this afternoon to write up my review of Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem, I found it very difficult to tune out my inner fan-boy so I could produce a reasonably objective, balanced review, without putting a lot of people off with my Anorak-ness. So in order to balance things out, I’m writing this missive to discuss the little details which should have set alarm bells ringing for anyone connected to the movie who had an ounce of integrity. Really, people, these are no-brainers...
As I alluded in my review, I am a little bit of a fan of the Alien and Predator movies. However I am not a fan of the current crop of pick ‘n’ mix franchises. As some of you might guess, I am old enough to have seen Star Wars on its original release, and have a similar view of that series’ second trilogy.
The creators of this movie are not fans of the Predator or the Alien movies. They are only interested in the sum of their parts, not the whole. Each movie of both series have been dissected and examined to find which bits could be stolen and copied. Once they had the sequences they wanted to include, they hired someone to write a story to fit it all in.
Problem No 1. No Quarantine?
The initial premise for this sequel is that the “Pred-alien” shown at the end of the previous movie grows into a six foot creature and wreaks enough havoc on the predator spaceship to cause it to crash back down to Earth. So right from the start, the film-makers are taking liberties with timescales. This creature manages to grow from a chest-bursting larva into a fully grown adult in less time it takes their ship to leave Earth’s orbit? And manages to go undetected in that time? Don’t think so.
It’s annoying more than anything else. Other franchises, Star Trek for example, have a writer’s bible, to ensure that they don’t contradict something which has already been established on screen. A lot of this movie’s problems stem from not having one.
Problem No 2. Predator Park Ranger
Let’s look at the movie’s second problem. An injured Predator on the crashed ship manages to send a message back home, alerting them to the situation. The message is received by a predator problem solver. Apparently in production he was referred to as Wolf, after Harvey Keitel’s character in Pulp Fiction. He “solves problems”. Now, it would appear that “Walker: Texas Ranger” is a popular show on Planet Predator as they send one – just one – to go clear up an infestation.
There are so many things wrong with the Predator. For a start, as a character he shouldn’t exist – As I mentioned earlier, and has been established in the previous movie, the Predators are well acquainted with what could, and does go wrong when you lose control of an Alien infestation. In such situations, you kiss your ass goodbye and Nuke the place. The Predators would have no need for sending in the equivalent of a Park Ranger. Actually, wouldn’t it be funny if the Predators had their own version of Steve Irwin? “Crikey! This one’s HUUUGE!!!”
Anyway, whilst disposing of evidence of face huggers and dead human hunters, the Pred is spotted by one of the deputies, and promptly kills him. Now, considering the great pains he’s taking to stem both the actual infestation and the local’s knowledge of it, does it seem likely that the predator would strip the deputy’s skin and hang his body from a tree? Is this really the time to be taking trophies? Are the film-makers trying to say that the need to hunt is so ingrained that even someone on an important mission as his, he still needs a break? No. What they are saying is that you have to have dead bodies stripped of their skin hanging from trees, because it’s a Predator Movie and that’s the kind of thing that happens in a Predator Movie. Regardless whether it actually makes sense for it to happen in this movie.
One interesting thing – I believe the “Wolf” predator is angry at the concept of the existence of a Predalien, the idea of his race being mixed with another, more than the infestation.
Problem No 3 the Hybrid
Okay – so let’s talk about the “Pred-alien”. It’s been long established in “Alien Lore” that whilst gestating within its host creature, be it man, or as in Alien3, a dog, that it will take on some of the physical characteristics of that host. So, in principle, I do not have a problem with there being a “pred-alien” per se, and it did make a nice punchline to the previous movie. However I think it was a big mistake to go down that route for this movie, for two reasons:
1. It’s a mistake to assume that the Predators wouldn’t have noticed if one of their own was gestating an alien egg. In the Lore of the first AVP movie, the Predators used “controlled” Alien infestations as a rights-of-passage for their adolescent hunters. Surely they would have had quarantine and scanning procedures to make sure such a thing didn’t happen. I bet you a pound that if they had made a AVP movie without even showing or mentioning the Predalien hybrid, nobody would have batted an eyelid, cause we’d have all assumed that the Predators had taken care of business.
2. It looks crap. The “dog” alien from the third movie didn’t obviously look like a dog but you could see the “heritage”. The human-alien hybrid from Alien Resurrection was a complete abortion and this is on a similar plain.
Okay, I’ve been wittering on way too long over this movie now, so two more points...
Problem No 4: Pick 'n’Mix
As I mentioned earlier, the movie is essentially key scenes from the previous movies bolstered onto the first half of a typical teen slasher movie. The Most Iconic image from Alien 3 was when the Alien got really, really up close and personal with Ripley, so close that she could feel its breath on her cheek. That same scene is shown here, almost shot-for-shot. Two of the characters essentially become Ripley and Newt knock-offs.
Problem No 5 The predator’s weapon
Towards the end of the movie, as the last few survivors make the push to escape the hospital, Dallas gets hold of one of the Predator’s shoulder pistols. Which suddenly resembles a sawn-off shotgun. Now, in order to inject some tension into the movie, it turns out that the weapon needs to recharge every few shots, leaving our hero momentarily vulnerable to attack.
Now does it seem likely that the Predator forgot to install his duracel batteries when he set out on his little trip? Or is it more likely that the creators have bent the rules in order to get the “fit” they want.
I hope this movie fails. I kind of liked it, but hate the fact it is linked to both Predator and Aliens, two of my favourite movies of all time. I hope both franchises are left to rest in peace, their names no longer tarnished by bastard children destroying their heritage.
(MikeOutWest)
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